December 2011
19 posts
Just weighed myself on the scale…and it’s the morning too so this is an accurate weight of me. I weight 127 pounds which is quite the wakeup call. This means I have gained 3 solid pounds since Winter break began. Not good! I just need to relax and ease myself back into my normal rhythm of eating a certain number of calories a day and exercising at least 5 days a week which will be...
I am always so sad after I hang out with flo. I love being with her she is truly my best friend. I thought I was going to the light show with them but I guess I was wrong so now I’m all embarrassed. There is still a small piece of me that still thinks she’s going to call me and pick me up because I heard her say that they wanted to get something to eat before they left. A larger...
Post Christmas
So I have lots to say but I want to try and say it in as short a post as possible. This will still be a very long post ha ha! Anyway, I’ve eaten a lot these past few days because of Christmas and having just a ton of food shoved at me and in my face and I’ve gained about 3 pounds. My goal for the next month or so is to lose it again but I don’t think that’s going to happen...
Pretty good
Today, I had some really bad cravings to binge and have just been pretty hungry all day. I’ve had days like this before and after a while they are going to be really difficult to deal with. That’s when I resort to the binging. Before I said I was going to make 1500 calories my goal for everyday since I am working out, but I have not been very faithful to that goal. I have been eating...
New thinking
I know that a lot of my binge eating episodes are from my mind. The other part would be the actual binging itself. I feel like I just need a new way of looking at hunger and dieting. I’m not on a diet, I’m just replacing shit food with good and wholesome foods to keep my body CLEAN. When I’m hungry, I just need to breathe, relax, and just say I’m hungry. I dont need to...
Day Thirty- 10 facts about you! And now, what are...
Wow! 30 days of pain and sadness and happiness and rewards and binges and everything in between! It’s been rough, but the journey is SO far from over. I’m ready to take this on some more.
10 facts about me….hmm. 1. I love chocolate 2. I don’t like going to parties or “throwing down” and I’d MUCH rather chill at home with a movie or just stay up talking or...
I know that my stats have not changed during this 30 day challenge, I didn’t expect them to and I’m not really upset about it. Just getting that out of the way.
I have a goal. I’m going to eat 1400 calories at least everyday this week (but not more than 1600) and NOT TO BINGE. This is still so hard for me to do and I know now it’s because I’ve accidentally put my...
Day Twenty-Nine- Your definition of beauty.
This is a really difficult question for me to answer simply because I really am not sure. I know I’m supposed to say that it’s whatever you want it to be and that everyone is beautiful in their own diffrent way but I don’t think I really think that. I think beauty is being fit. If you are fit, but not TOO fit meaning you are completely jacked up, then you are beautiful. A thin...
Day Twenty-Eight- Do you want that “gap” between...
This is the thing with my legs. I do already have that “gap” between my legs but my legs still aren’t like really skinny. A gap doesn’t mean anything. My legs are like normal sized I guess but they don’t like get skinnier down by the knee like most legs do and I HATE IT. They are just like thick all the way down and some people call it proportional but I call it ugly...
Day Twenty-Seven- How do you deal with being...
I don’t deal very well. I get super anxious around food and I have a really hard time saying no to it. Like, I am completely serious and I know people say this all the time but I can’t stress the fact that I’m dead serious enough. I have an addiction to food, I swear I do. When I’m around a lot of other people it’s easier though because my want to not look fat in...
Jessusayudjf
Took a good look at myself in the mirror today. Definitely not done losing weight. I have had multiple smaller binges for about a week now (maybe longer) and today I just went all out and I’m not even going to try to count the calories. Frankly, it’s better left unknown. I thought that I wanted to stay at this body but I change my fucking mind. My legs will NEVER look good will they??...
Day Twenty-Six- What excites you most about...
The feeling of accomplishment! The feeling of being happy with myself and feeling confident with my body (for the most part). My new UGW is just to stay between 120-125 because I am planning on really adding muscle to my arms and hopefully abdomen. If I can just stay there in that range I will be perfectly happy. It’s just so crazy because just a few months ago I thought I would NEVER get...
12/6
I’m still eating a lot and even though I am also exercising and not gaining weight, I’m afraid I’m going to start eventually. I am so scared of gaining weight it’s like one of my top priorities to prevent. On a good note, I got the letter from Flora today and it was half a thank you letter and 1 sentence of mushy-ness so I was happy. She is the sweetest person and I truly...
:)
So Flo told me the other day that she has a letter for me and she asked for my address for her to mail it to me. I don’t think she’s mailed it yet but I hope she does soon because I’m dying to read it! I’m curious as to what it says! My mind knows it’s just a thank you letter for sending cookies for her birthday but my heart is hoping that it’s something better....
Day Twenty-Five- Have you ever purged? If you have...
No I have never purged before. I would be lying if I also said I never have tried. I have tried a few times when I was in true desperation and sometimes I still wish I had. For some reason, I just dont know how to get myself to purge…I would try over and over and nothing would work. I know it’s a good thing it didn’t work but I think my weird ass eating disorder is telling me I...
Uhh
So I’ve been eating a lot lately and I’ve been feeling okay about it too which is good! But I’m also starting to really get frusterated with myself because I know I’m eventually going to gain weight. I weighed in at around 124 pounds today which is fine and I’d love if I could just stay at this weight (or lose, whichever is good). However, if I keep this up I am not...
Day Twenty-Four- How do you feel about the terms...
When I first started trying to lose weight, I became so desperate to lose it nownownow that I tried being anorexic. That lasted about a week before I just couldn’t take it anymore. I have tried purging before like a bulimic but I can’t do it, I don’t know why. NOW I see that people who are pro-mia or pro-ana are out of their damn minds. I will never revert back to those ways to...
Day Twenty-Three- Did the media play a role in...
No, I don’t believe it did. I wanted to lose weight because I just didn’t like the way I looked. It’s very possible that subconsiously it was because of the media but I have never thought of models or actresses or anyone big in the media as a thinsperation kind of deal. The most influence to lose weight was from the people living around me in my area.
Day Twenty-Two- What was your lowest weight? How...
My lowest weight was about 120 pounds I think..? Probably more like 122 or something, but I gained some back because I was just sick of dieting and restricting myself so I went a little crazy over the Thanksgiving holidays and gained a good 3 solid pounds back. I’m currently in the process of losing it back. I have previously said that my goal weight is 117/118 but I have found that is the...