Took a good look at myself in the mirror today. Definitely not done losing weight. I have had multiple smaller binges for about a week now (maybe longer) and today I just went all out and I’m not even going to try to count the calories. Frankly, it’s better left unknown. I thought that I wanted to stay at this body but I change my fucking mind. My legs will NEVER look good will they?? Even after losing lik 10 pounds they still look like shit. Okay awesome. This is super annoying, why can’t I just have nice legs…I feel like I work hard enough for it but I must be wrong. I am getting back on the dieting track starting tomorrow. I dont care if I don’t have the motivation to do it tomorrow and I dont care if I’m just really hungry. I’m not eating outside of my meal plan. I have work to do. Best get started.
Side note: Can I just say that I am so so so so so glad my stepmom has not baked any christmas cookies yet? I totally thought she would have by now. I bet I just jinxed it. Oh well, I ain’t eating those either!!
Also, I get my license on Saturday and I’m pretty freaking excited! I can’t wait for the independence that’ll come with it. I will be able to drive myself everywhere! I won’t need to wait for a ride anywhere anymore and it’ll just be so freaking nice. Ahh only one more day. Saturday is a pretty busy day though..I’m driving to a track meet and I’ll probably be home around like noon-ish and then I’m showering, eating lunch, and heading right back out to 1. visit my mom’s grave and 2. go to Target for earphones. I think the Target trip will just be to cheer me back up because I like doing things alone and running an errand to buy something for myself will cheer me up I think. I hope. I’m nervous to go see my mom and as much as I HATE to say it, I almost don’t want to go anymore but at the same time I absolutely do. Anyway, after all of that I’ll come home and just take a nap and chill the rest of the day.
And one more other thing. I can’t wait to be able to go to the gym everyday again. I’ll lose weight once again. I have NO doubts since I’ll be able to burn a bunch more calories at the gym than at track. I need to lift weights and do shit like that and crunches to get some abs and upper body strength along with lots and lots of running for cardio and the ellypticol(?) for calorie burning. I’ll run on the treadmil for 30 minutes hard and then the ellypticol for 20 medium/easy followed by weights and crunches. I have to be able to do REAL pushups and at least 1 pull up. Then I’ll be happy.
