Just weighed myself on the scale…and it’s the morning too so this is an accurate weight of me. I weight 127 pounds which is quite the wakeup call. This means I have gained 3 solid pounds since Winter break began. Not good! I just need to relax and ease myself back into my normal rhythm of eating a certain number of calories a day and exercising at least 5 days a week which will be easier once track and school start up again. Not going to lie, looking at that scale and seeing that I was above 125 made me really anxious. I have plenty of time though to lose the weight again. I just want to be between 120 and 125 as my first goal. My over all goal is to weigh 120 lbs. That will take a while but that’s okay. I have until like June to get down to there which is 6 months so I have 6 months to lose 7 pounds. Not bad. Just take it slow and take it one day at a time. No more binging. More self-control around food.
Last night I chewed up fruitcake and just spit it into a napkin instead of swallowing it. Then I just threw it away. I actually liked it somewhat. I want to do it more often. I almost want a full blown eating disorder and to get real skinny so I can have people worry about me. I want attention. That is pathetic and stupid, I know, but it’s true. I’m not going to deny it anymore. I mostly want attention from Flora because I like when she’s worried about me. I dont know why but that’s how I am. I do plan on telling her about this sometime in the future I just don’t know when. Maybe when I’m 120. If I ever even get down to that which I’m not so sure I will. I don’t know how I will either like do I facebook message her or tell her in person? Plus, it’s not like this is ever going to just pop up in one of our conversations so I really don’t have any clue how this is going to happen.
